Council member Bob Kellar yesterday proposed spending $15,000 on a statue of himself to be placed outside the entrance to City Hall.

SANTA CLARITA — Councilman Bob Kellar introduced a resolution Monday in support of Mel Gibson as a way to “counter the negative publicity” recently generated by the troubled actor.

SAUGUS, CA — When Pendejo Canyon Elementary School re-opens in the fall, it will be renamed the “Bob Kellar Institute for American Supremacy” to honor the Councilman for his “leadership in making our community safe for democracy.”

SANTA CLARITA, CA — The First Annual Santa Clarita Gay & Lesbian Festival will be sponsored by the city as part of a weeklong “SCV Gay Days” celebration.

SANTA CLARITA — Citing the financial success of the red light cameras used to spy on criminal motorists who thumb their noses at the California Vehicle Code, council members announced today they will be installing similar cameras inside toilets located throughout their jurisdiction.

SANTA CLARITA — Council members voted unanimously Friday to approve oil exploration and drilling in the Santa Clara River Bed, a waterway that originates in the San Gabriel Mountains and travels through the Santa Clarita Valley on its journey to the Pacific Ocean.

SANTA CLARITA, CA –Council members voted unanimously today to make English the official language of the city. Anyone found within the city limits speaking in a foreign tongue will be cited, fined and deported to Val Verde.