In an effort to appeal to women voters, Representative Howard P. “Buck” McKeon (R-CA) has taken an unusual break from his staunch pro-life, anti-choice demagoguery to offer free abortions at his campaign offices in Santa Clarita and Palmdale.

“It’s campaign time and he’s feeling generous,” explained a staffer. “Last year, he gave out pumpkins.”

Any woman with an unwanted pregnancy can stop by either of the congressman’s offices between 9am and 3pm to request an abortion, which will be performed by McKeon, himself, in the back alleys adjacent to the respective locations.

McKeon is also courting the GLBT vote by running an HIV clinic out of the living room of his Santa Clarita residence, where he will be distributing free condoms with the Bill of Rights printed on them to gay high schoolers.

McKeon, who boasts of having 16 children and 93 grandchildren, said he has never seen a condom before, but feels this is a clever way to get gay teens to learn the Constitution.

Constituents are advised to take advantage of these free services as soon as possible, as they will be aborted on midnight, November 2.

“On November 3rd,” McKeon told one pregnant woman who had been waiting in line for an hour, “we’re taking the government out of big business and putting it back into your uterus.”