Santa Claritans honored by city council.

SANTA CLARITA, CA — The First Annual Santa Clarita Gay & Lesbian Festival will be sponsored by the city as part of a weeklong “SCV Gay Days” celebration.

Councilmen Frank Ferry and Bob Kellar came up with the idea, as they discussed ways to pay tribute to the gays and lesbians residing in Santa Clarita.

“One of the most important things we can do in local government,” lamented Ferry, “is to find ways to make the gay community feel cherished and valued.”

Kellar agreed. “It’s even more important than immigration reform,” he said. “We can send the illegals home tomorrow, but we can wait no longer to honor the homosexual.”

The Council voted unanimously to support the proposal. “We’re proud of the gay heritage of our valley, and of the young gay men and women who live, work and practice their homosexuality in our humble little town,” declared Mayor Laurene Weste, “and this festival is our way of letting them know, ‘It’s okay to be gay.’”

Kellar said this is all part of a larger, community education campaign. “Gays, lesbians and transgenders are no different from you or me,” he said. “Just because God doesn’t allow them to get married, doesn’t mean we should deprive them the freedom to choose how or with whom they can express their love.”

The city is hoping the festival will attract more gay business owners. “Open up your shops here,” said Ferry. “Help boost our economy with your little boutiques and hair salons.”

The festivities kick off with a retrospective of gay cinema to be shown inside the council chambers.

“Frank and I reviewed all the films beforehand,” noted Kellar, “and didn’t find them too overly homoerotic at all.”

Ferry nodded in agreement. “All the scenes, especially the close-ups, were executed very — what’s the word? — oh, yes, ‘artfully.’” He said he will be talking to the William S. Hart District to get them to add some of the titles to the high school curriculum. “Maybe it’ll inspire the kids to produce movies of their own.”

Despite a vocal group of protestors picketing outside City Hall, council members have remained steadfast in their determination to move forward with their gay agenda.

After enduring weeks of catcalls and threats, Kellar responded to criticism of his own involvement with the festival. “If wanting to end discrimination against gays and lesbians makes me a lover of homosexuals,” he bellowed, “then I’m a proud homosexual lover.”

“For one day a year, we’ll all be gay,” quipped Ferry, “and my name will be spelled like it sounds.”

More information on the Santa Clarita Gay & Lesbian Festival will be available soon.