SANTA CLARITA — Citing the financial success of the red light cameras used to spy on criminal motorists who thumb their noses at the California Vehicle Code, council members announced today they will be installing similar cameras inside toilets located throughout their jurisdiction.

The city’s website clarifed that cameras will be installed not just in public restrooms, but “inside the toilets in every bathroom of every residence within the city limits.”

“We believe certain elements of our community are using their rectal cavities to conceal things they don’t want us to see,” declared Mayor Laurene Weste, who said the cost of installing the cameras will be paid for by funds received from the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act of 2009. “With these cameras, we will be able to identify unusual items jammed into the bowels of our citizens, and issue appropriate citations where necessary.”

“We made a sh*tload of cash from the red light cameras,” according to Councilman Frank Ferry, “and these toilet cams will bring in so much revenue, we’ll be able to finance all of our election campaigns for years.” (When informed that this would be an illegal use of public funds, Ferry backpedalled. “Sorry. I didn’t know.”)

Local activists have criticized the program as a flagrant violation of an individual’s right to privacy, but city officials vehemently disagree. “That argument would never hold up in court,” responded Ferry, ”because we are not focusing on faces, only rectums. Duh.”

The company that monitors the red light cameras will also be monitoring the toilet cams, utilizing the same set of guidelines. Should intestinal contriband be discovered, a photograph will be sent to the alleged infringer along with a citation.

If a person believes the rectum in the photograph is not theirs, city officials said he or she will have the opportunity to dispute it in court.

“Good luck with that,” added Ferry.